Interrogation
Summary Spike Witwicky tries to interrogate Lifeline. Lifeline tries to use his training to lure Spike into his cell. However, Lifeline quickly learns his darkUniverse counterpart is a worthy adversary. Once again, it's darkSpike, so consider it a PG-13 log. Northwest United States - North America The top west of this region is formed by Washington, home of grunge band city Seattle. It is also an area of many forests, mostly conifers. The forests also extend into Oregon to the south, becoming thicker as the pines start to blend with other trees. To the east the trees start meshing with mountains as they move into Idaho and near the Rockies. Yet the people seem to find enough rooms to grow endless amounts of potatoes. Spike Witwicky walks in past Lifeline. He gives a bitter smirk and stops by his cell. Edwin's keeping away from the front of the cell, because he doesn't want to get pissed on again. Now, he's sitting up against the back wall, apparently meditating. Spike Witwicky smirks and waits for a second. He finally yells. "BOO!" "Oh. I am so scared. I'm terrified. Really." Edwin stares across at Spike, his eyes partially obscured by his green-tinted glasses. Spike Witwicky sighs and waves a hand. "Y'know - piss on you if you aren't going to play along. Just tryin' to lighten the mood." "This isn't a game to me. I want to get out of here," Edwin says in annoyance. Spike Witwicky frowns and raises his voice "Well...it'd be a helluva lot easier if you tell us what we need to know!" "And what exactly is it that you need to know, hm? I'll bet you don't even know. You're just posturing because it makes you feel better," Edwin points out. Spike Witwicky blinks and stands, stupefied. "Just...everything you know about the Joes." "That's kind of a generic request. Why don't you sit down and tell me what's bothering you? Because I know something is. Otherwise, you wouldn't bother to take it out on me." Edwin raises an eyebrow. Spike Witwicky looks at Edwin and laughs. "I'm fine! I'm enjoying this!" "If you say so," Edwin replies calmly. Spike Witwicky smirks and hands over a double-Whopper, fries and a drink. "Eat up - fresh and hot. And don't worry, I didn't spit in it or shoot a load - I took care of that before I left." "I told you yesterday, I'm on a hunger strike. I don't eat fast food," Edwin says. "And these living conditions are inhumane." Spike Witwicky looks up and around. "You got a roof over your head, we aren't freezin' you, you got a john." He shrugs "Far better than what I was dealt with with the Joes - and Deadline fed me good!" "I wish I could get you to see that it would be in your best interest to cooperate with the Joes on this side of the portal," Edwin says in frustration. "It's clear to me that Ebony and that bad version of myself are using you as a pawn." Spike Witwicky looks on at Lifeline in befuddlement. "Huh? No...are you kidding, they're recruiting me. I'm helping them out - chances are I'll be a Joe by the time we get back to our world." "...How do you KNOW they have your back and they're not going to shaft you, though? They do a lot of drugs, and they don't seem to be very, uh...trustworthy," Edwin points out. Spike Witwicky shrugs and scratches his hair. "Who says i'm not playing them?" "Because you're not that clever, I'm afraid," Edwin says. "What I mean is, er, you have lots of other interesting personality traits! ...But that isn't one of them." Spike Witwicky frowns and looks around. Looking...looking...looking. Finally, he gets a chair and flings it at Edwin's cell. "You think I'm not clever - I'll show you clever!" There's a long period of silence from Edwin, then he finally pipes up again. "...Nope. Sorry. Not clever." Spike Witwicky frowns and points to Edwin. "GODDAMNIT, TAKE THAT BACK!" "That really bothers you, doesn't it? Well...well no, I'm not going to take it back." Edwin folds his arms across his chest. Spike Witwicky blinks and looks at Edwin. "You want to do me a favor?" "Not particularly," Edwin says mildly, "But what did you have in mind?" Spike Witwicky frowns and goes to get a notebook and throws it in Edwin's cell with a felt-tipped pen. "Well...when I get back - I'm going to get Daniel back from boarding school - but it'd help if I got a letter from like an expert, saying I'd be an OK dad for him." He shrugs and folds his arms. "You do me a favor...maybe I'll do you one." "Maybe? ...MAYBE?? That doesn't sound like a very good deal to me. What if you change your mind? I have no assurances that you'll hold up your end of the bargain," Edwin exclaims. Spike Witwicky frowns and makes a 'hurry up' gesture. "Look, you treated me. You're the closest professional I know. Just write down that I'm a good dad. That's all you need to do!" "But I don't know that you're a good dad. As a matter of fact," Edwin says pointedly, "I'm almost willing to bet that you aren't." Spike Witwicky blinks. "What?! WHAT?!" Spike Witwicky spits. "You fuckin' prove it!" Spike Witwicky yells "I love my kid!" "Then why don't you have custody of him, if you're such a good dad?" Edwin prods curiously, trying to see just how far he can push his luck. Spike Witwicky 's face gets redder and redder. "I WAS FUCKING INCARCERATED BY THE JOES, DIPSHIT!" Edwin has an idea about how he's going to escape, now. "There's got to be something else," he says. "Were you arrested for drug use or possession? Because if being kidnapped was your only mitigating circumstance, then you'd have him in custody by now." Spike Witwicky leers at Edwin. "It was stupid...I mean, stupid that they arrested me." Spike Witwicky adds "Daniel was in the backseat...I was too drunk to drive home. We were in a car - so I KNOW it was warm!" He adds "They should have fuckin' rewarded me for the fact that I DIDN'T drive home drunk! What else was I supposed to do?! (other than not drink and leave his infant son in the car while he gets his drink on)." "Well that's something you'll need to take up with the court on your side of the portal," Edwin says. "I can't excuse you for doing something like that." Spike Witwicky frowns and yells "I didn't want to drive home drunk! Jesus, why doesn't anyone ever fuckin' understand that!" Spike Witwicky huffs "Just...fuckin' write that I'm an OK dad, and put your goddamn signature on it with that 'doctor' tag." "It doesn't matter, Spike. You had actual physical control of the vehicle, and that counts against you. Why were you going to bars with your baby anyhow?" Edwin continues to prod Dark Spike, right in that sensitive topic. Spike Witwicky stands, dumbfounded. He scoffs. "Whatever...just 'cause you have a 'kid' - doesn't mean you have to turn into some goodygoody churchgoer like my dearly departed other self." He shakes his head. "That's just not how I operate." Spike Witwicky waves his hand. "I mean, I've been arrested for trying to buy coke and a few DUI's, but that was just bad luck." "Bad...luck? Luck had nothing to do with it!" Edwin says. "Your behavior had everything to do with it. If it's going to keep that poor child safe, I'm definitely going to decline any 'little favors' in that direction." Spike Witwicky yells "GODDAMNIT, YOU START WRITING THAT I'M A GOOD DAD...NOW!" "No! Because it wouldn't be TRUE! I'm not doing it!" Edwin insists. Spike Witwicky frowns and yells "I LOVE MY BOY!" Spike Witwicky knocks a bottle over a table. "Goddamnit, that should be enough." "I never said you don't love him, I said that making excuses for your terrible, unrepentant behavior would be like putting him in danger, and it would be against my principles as a physician to do that," Edwin explains. "I'm...I'm.." Spike stammers. "I'm probably a better dad than YOU'D be."" "What does *that* got to do with anything?" Edwin laughs. "Come on, Spike, you're not even trying." Spike Witwicky frowns and stomps around, pacing. "DON'T YOU FUCKING MAKE FUN OF ME. I SWEAR, I'LL TAKE A BAT TO YOUR HEAD JUST LIKE I DID SPIKE" "You sure threaten a lot," Edwin observes calmly. Spike Witwicky squeezes the bad and smashes a bottle (away from Edwin). "Threaten AND execute!" "Look, if you're that angry, why don't you just come on in here and cut loose?" Edwin suggests. Spike Witwicky mutters "I would if I had the key." "......" Edwin's so surprised by Spike's answer that he forgets to respond for a moment. "....How can you be a guard if you don't even have a key to the cell?!" Spike Witwicky shrugs. "I dunno...Deadline says 'guards don't need keys in these cases." "Oh, man." Edwin sighs in disappointment, as he realizes his evil half is just as clever as he is at times. "....Wait, can't you unlock the bathroom door? Or no?" Spike Witwicky shakes his head. "Huh uh." "...Spike, you're...I don't even know how to say this, but you're not even a guard. You can't be a guard unless you have control of your captive. And in this case, you don't. You've been *had*," Edwin says. GAME: Spike Witwicky FAILS an INTELLIGENCE roll of Very High difficulty. "No I haven't" Spike retorts. "Sure you have! You can't guard me. You have no control over your prisoner, now how is that guarding?" Edwin says with a smirk. Spike Witwicky 's eyes flare with rage. "Don't you fuckin' make fun of me!" "I'm not making fun of you! I'm just stating a fact. And why do you have to curse all the time?" Now that Edwin knows there's no way Spike can get inside the cell, he feels quite a bit safer. "Cursing is for people who can't think of better words!" Spike Witwicky sneers "I say 'em because I mean 'em!" "Mm-hmm." Edwin shakes his head. "I'll bet when you were a kid, you got picked on a lot." Spike Witwicky thinks and shakes his head. "Huh uh. No kids fucked with me." "So you were the *bully*, then. You were the one doing the asskicking?" Edwin asks. Spike Witwicky smirks and says "Fuck yeah..." At home - different story. Spike says proudly, "My school, my lil' bro." He smirks "I even talked Buster into shoving this kid in a wheelchair down a flight of stairs!" He claps a hand, simulating a crash "BOOM! You should have seen it!"" Edwin sighs. "I see." Originally, he had hoped that Spike was going to get upset enough to get into the cell with him, because then he could have overpowered him with Aikido and made a clean getaway. He hadn't counted on his evil half being clever. Now, he wonders if he's going to be stuck here with Dark Spike for the rest of his life. (Maybe starving to death would be preferable,) he thinks gravely. "So now, you've gone on to bigger and better things...like trying to get in good with the Joes." Spike Witwicky nods. "Yup..." he says flatly. "So growing up, you and your brother lived with your dad? Mom out of the picture?" Edwin asks. Spike Witwicky nods and says "Yup." "So what was that like?" Edwin presses, not willing to settle for the monosyllabic answer. Spike Witwicky shrugs. "was OK." Edwin smirks. "He probably beat the tar out of you. Am I close?" Spike Witwicky grins and laughs. "Oh yeah!" He turns around and lifts up his shirt, showing two faint scars for belt marks. "Wanna know how I got those apples?" "Do tell," Edwin says, staring at the old injuries intently. Spike Witwicky smirks and looks at Edwin. "I was 11 - Buster was 8. We were playin', tryin' to gross who out the most. Buster ate a worm. And to gross him out, I dared him to kiss me like he'd kiss a girl." He shrugs. "Dad came in just when he took me up on the dare." He shakes his head. "He pushed Buster aside, took me out to his shed, had me take off my shirt...and WHAM!" He shakes his head. "Now...I guess I blacked out, but when I came to - I couldn't sleep on my back for a week! But I'm damn glad he did it - he was just tryin' not to make me gay!" "That is probably one of the worst abuse stories I've ever heard. Mostly because I get to see how the victim turned out, and the results aren't pretty," Edwin says incredulously, feeling slightly sick to his stomach. Spike Witwicky shakes his head. "No! No! See...I'm not gay!" Spike says adamantly, "He was right - I'd ... well, OK, I wouldn't beat him until he blacked out - I mean..he did kinda take it too far - but shit, if that's what it takes for Daniel to be straight - " Spike Witwicky adds "If he wasn't drunk, I'm sure he would have just hit me once, but he said he lost track." "You don't TURN gay, Spike, you either are or you aren't. And you aren't, you never were. You can't beat the gay out of someone." Spike Witwicky looks at Deadline and smirks. "Well, that's exactly what I did to your late boyfriend!"